20 Years 4th of July

August mid 70's

Tempe, Arizona

January 12,1946-July 4,1989

Twenty years ago today my Dad passed away.

He was only 42.

Things had been touch and go for a long time,

Everytime the Doctors would tell us the end was near he'd come out of whatever it was and start demanding chicken pot pies again. When he was well enough to come home he told his Doctor he wanted to go on vacation,he wanted to go to Arizona. When the Dr. finally realized my dad would go to Arizona with or without his approval he gave in,on several conditions. The Dr. wanted to know where the hospital was,who would supply his oxygen (to this day I cannot look at someone with portable oxygen) and a whole list of other things that had to be in place before he could leave California. My mom drove the 2 of them to his sisters house. They say when he was getting out of the car,with the help of her neighbor he said he was home and never leaving,

Indians know when they are going to die and they go home

or so I have been told. It was a Wednesday. It was not going to be a good week. That Friday my cousin killed himself,but his wonderful Wife failed to tell my Aunt until after he was buried,despite the fact that they lived in the same county. July 2nd my dad got sick and was taken to the hospital. A couple things about my dad, He loved the 4th of July and Christmas. He loved Arizona although he was born and raised in California,his Father's roots were in Arizona. The hotter it was the better he liked it. It was around lunch time when he convinced my mom to go down to the cafeteria to get something to eat.

Evidently this was a code word for leave so that I can die.

She wasn't gone very long and she said when she walked onto the ICU floor all the rooms were dark.

Except for his. His room glowed with an aura of Angels. She said she knew then he had gone. He was facing Camelback Mountain with a smile on his face. He was at peace.

The thermometer read 125'

It's been 20 years ago today and he's missed so much. I wonder how hot it will be today?

When my time comes will I remember to go home?

I've held on to the grief and guilt of a childhood gone wrong. 20 years of, if I knew then what I know now. A lifetime of If's and Had I's. Two decades of,you only brought this on yourself.

We were not close and I wish I could change that. Every girl needs her Dad and some days I really need mine.

This week I will spend honoring him here,I hope you don't mind. I think 20 years is long enough to hold on to the past. This week I will let it all go.

If you still have your dad call him,hug him,visit him and tell him you love him. I wouldn't want you to be sitting here 20 years from now writing this same post.

Somewhere over the Rainbow daddy we will meet again