After a few days of pain I started peeling. I know, ew gross, and why is she sharing that with us? I was watching the News earlier and they were talking about the Snake calls that Fire Departments have been getting lately. Why you would call them about a snake is beyond me,but that's for a different story. It's been in the 100's and this is Arizona,what do they expect from the desert?
What did stay in my mind is the snakes yearly ritual of shedding their skin. They rid themselves of what no longer fits. I sometimes find these skins caught in the tumbleweeds. Sometimes the are just pieces and others I have found completely intact and you can see where how many rings on their rattlers there were. I thought about my own sun induced shedding of skin, and about what it is that no longer fits. What do I need to shed myself of?
In 22 days I will be turning 43 and sometimes I think to myself, am I really that old? Granted I look at it from a perspective of how long until 50. I know a lot has changed in the eyes of that 5 year old in the picture. I can't even remember what her hopes and dreams were or even what made her happy. I know I loved Art or at least I think I would have. I did love school until I was in Third Grade and a very mean teacher stripped me of that. I would often look at this picture and try to remember who she was,what she was like. I mean, I know that is me, in 1971 but that is all I know. Have you ever done that? Found a picture of yourself and try to remember who you were at that place in time?
As I type this, new thoughts come to mind. I have gone to school or taken classes for everything imaginable. I went to school for Cosmetology,Floral Designing,Communications, Real Estate,Reiki,and the list goes on. With the one exception of Reiki, I didn't finish any of them. I am proud to say that I am a Reiki II Practitioner and have the Certificate to prove it. But I wonder if there is a correlation between not finishing any of those classes and what that mean old teacher did to me and my love of school.
There is so much in life that I didn't do because of that nagging laugh that says "You want to do WHAT??" I cheated no one else but myself of so many of life's experiences because of that darn Devil. I always wanted to make a career out of creating art,but like the lottery, "you can't win it if you don't play it" or in my case you can't sell it,if you don't create it.
So perhaps it's my fear of failure that is being shed with each bit of very crispy skin lol. I want to usher in 43 with a lust for life and doing things with a determination and a force to be reckoned with. I want to see the things around me with the amazement and love of that 5 year olds eyes once again.
Oh and I also went to school to become a Life Coach,how ironic is that?
oh, woman, you live in my heart. this just made me cry a tinge. quintessential geminis we are. i have been lamenting so deeply these past weeks the fact that i've gone and taken classes and "schooling" in things. i am right now in fact. and like, getting an actual job in these things is never as fluid as it seems when you take these steps. i finish them (with the exception of grad school hahah). . .
ReplyDeletebut yes, this hit home for me in a million ways. there's a very clear sign in the fact that i decided to check this AT THIS MOMENT. i fight my dreams but then long for them...so much fear...thats the true devil its in our mind...our fear of failure, of risk, and for me, the big one: the scatteredness, the confusion, the insecurity...its just eating the time, i tell you. . . and reading this. i mean i dont have any answers haha but its good to know i'm not alone. HELPPPP!